Potatoes—everyone loves 'em. But, much like children, not all ways of potato preparations are equally loved. We may lie to ourselves and say they are all fantastic, but are they really? Today we are going to take a look at the main ways of preparing potatoes and deciding which spuds are studs and which are duds.
13. Potato Salad
I hate potato salad. It doesn’t even deserve to be on this list. I’m not a fan of potatoes being served cold, but the real crime here is mayonnaise, which is one of the worst substances known to man. It should come with a chemical hazard sign on the bottle. And the combination of it with cold potatoes will quite literally make me gag. Oh, and don’t come at me with some Miracle Whip argument. You can add sugar to dog crap also; that doesn't mean it’s not still dog crap.
12. Gnocchi
I feel a bit bad for putting this one so far down the list, but there are so many good ways of making potatoes that this one simply doesn’t hold up. Its biggest flaw is the effort. To make these from scratch is a lot more work than any other form of potato. It’s like someone made mashed potatoes and then said, “You know what? I bet I could turn this into a dough.” Their other flaws are the
consistency (it wants so bad to be a pasta,
but it’s a poor replacement) and the fact that
it can’t stand as a food completely by itself.
11. Potato Soup
I love a good potato soup, but you have to be in the mood for it. Seasons also make a difference. For those reasons alone it can’t climb too much higher on the list. With such versatility and consistency many of the higher-ranked entries have, a soup simply cannot compete. Tasty though.
10. Scalloped Potatoes
As a kid I hated au gratin potatoes. But then I got older and I realized not all scalloped potatoes are created equally. In fact, even au gratin style can have quite a range in quality and taste that I was able to dismiss the idea that they are all bad. I still will pick a different potato dish nine times out of ten, but it’s more for preference now than performance.
9. Potato Chips
A unique outing on this list as it is the only potato that you can buy in a bag (well, mashed and gnocchi, but you will be sorely disappointed). The chip is also unique in that the potato is less the star and more the vessel for whatever flavor the chip gods have decided to create that year. Some are fantastic, some are a bit more niche, but all potato chips have a place in this world. Their biggest
knock is that the potato is, essentially,
unrecognizable. That and tortilla chips are
superior due to dipability.
8. Hash Browns
The only true breakfast potato on this list. Sure, you can do plenty of other potatoes for breakfast (breakfast tacos is the star in that sense), but hash browns are synonymous with a good, home-style breakfast. Add in the fact that they are almost impossible to screw up and you have yourself a tasty and consistent tater. The downside? They are a bit too categorized and eating them outside of breakfast just…it
feels wrong, ya know?
7. Potato Skins
Somewhere someone said, “Let’s serve potatoes, but let’s do it without eighty percent of the potato,” and in that moment the skins were born. More likely they are a biproduct of mashed potatoes, but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if there were restaurants out there tossing out the innards. Good potato skins are delicious! The problem is bad potato skins are very disappointing, and it really is a crap shoot
on which you are going to get.
6. Tater Tots
Ah, tater tots. The children’s potato adults love. The chicken nugget of the tater world. It’s like someone couldn’t decide between hash browns and french fries, so they met in the middle and everyone said, “can we get some ketchup?” Tots are possibly the most fun potato to eat and, thanks to Napoleon Dynamite, everyone is now a comedian when they exclaim, “give me your tots” in the worst impression they
can possibly conjure. Seriously, it’s been 17
years. Move on.
5. Roasted Potatoes
These probably shouldn’t be so high on the list, but they also have no business being as good as they are. And simple. All you have to do is cut up some potatoes, season the crap out of them with just about anything, and roast them on a baking sheet. You can cook them along with other stuff, you can make them way in advance, you can make them fast (in terms of potato cooking), and you can even make the frozen
ones without too much sadness involve.
And on top of all of that, they somehow come
off fancy. They round out fancy meals perfectly.
You know what, they do deserve to be this high!
4. Mashed Potatoes
We’re getting to the true stars now. Mashed potatoes are a staple in American cooking and can be found eaten in just about every household. They’re a Thanksgiving headliner, they work with tons of different meals, they can be fancy or bare-bones, with or without gravy. They’re easy to do, but leave plenty of room for mastery. The only downside is the amount of people who, for some reason
unbeknownst to me, don’t like them.
3. Baked Potatoes
Some may have this as number one. For me, it’s number three for eight very specific reasons, but I’m only going to tell you two. The first is the time it takes to make them. You want a baked potato to go with your dinner tomorrow? Better put it in the oven now. The second reason is how downright mediocre they are by themselves. When you think of a baked potato, you’re more than likely
thinking of it at least partially loaded
because that’s the only acceptable way.
2. Twice-Bakes Potatoes
This seems like a no-brainer to me. It’s everything that’s good about the baked potato with extra deliciousness thrown in. Some may think they are extra work—and sure they are some extra work—but they aren’t mashed-to-gnocchi levels of work. A few extra steps, hardly any time at all, and you have an upgraded baked on your plate. The best part is, because baked potatoes stay hot for
roughly 17 days, you can do everything
way in advance and simply stick them under
a broiler whenever dinner is ready to be served.
1. Fries
The king of potato delivery. You cannot deny the versatility, scrumptiousness, convenience, or notoriety of the potato fry. You can french them, crinkle them, waffle them, string them, wedge them, season them, dip them, smother them and they nearly always come out as the hidden star of whatever meal you’re having. Sure, they can be messed up (I’m looking at you, In n Out), but more often than not you will find yourself saying, “Oh! These fries are good.” This world is full of crazy people. I’ve met some who don’t like pizza or don’t like chocolate, but I’ve never encountered a person who doesn’t like some variation of fries. And for that fries are the best form of potato you can possible have.