What makes a song sexy? Is it the lyrics? The bass? The lead singer? While the reason may be subjective, one thing we can all agree on is Billboard.com got it wrong in 2010 when they listed Olivia Newton-John’s Physical as the #1 sexiest song of all time. Seriously, Billboard? So in an attempt to right their wrong, here is my list of the Top 24 Sexiest Songs of All Time.
Note: This list is my own opinion and may be subject to argument from people who know less than I do. If you think I’m wrong, or if I missed a song that should be on this list, feel free to send me a $10 bill with your opinion written on it.
#24 – Fire We Make by Alicia Keys ft. Maxwell
Every list has to start somewhere, so here we are. Honestly, I had never heard this song before doing research for this article (yes, I put effort into this list), but after hearing it I immediately thought to myself “yeah, that could be one.” High praise, I know.
Highlight: Any song that can make clapping sound romantic is a plus.
#23 – Insatiable by Darren Hayes
Apparently, I have a thing for guys singing in falsetto. Most people would have gone the easy route and add Savage Garden’s Truly Madly Deeply, but I think this outing by lead singer Darren Hayes is sexier where TMD is a more romantic cut.
Highlight: When he goes “Ooooh oooh oooh.”
#22 – Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard
Listen, I don’t like this song. Never have. And it’s only sexy in one of those this-stripper-danced-even-better-to-it-than-the-last-one sort of ways. However, it is on pretty much every “sexiest songs” list out there, and real life people I talk to also seem to like it, so I’m giving in just this one time. But it’s staying way down on the list, damn it!
Highlight: Gives every one-armed drummer out there hope of one day being in a crappy hair band.
#21 – You’re Making Me High by Toni Braxton
I think the best “sexy” songs all have a good mix of being romantic, crude, and cheesy and Toni rides that line perfectly in this one. Oh, and just a heads up, this took the place of a Sade song, so don’t go looking for her further up the list. She ain't there.
Highlight: That white jumper she wears in the music video.
#20 – Pink by Aerosmith
Pretty much any song that mentions “pink” is going to have sexual connotations. Aerosmith is one of those bands that feels like it should be on this list, but while going through their discography you quickly discover none of their songs are actually that sexy. So this is the juxtaposition between those two paradigms.
Highlight: None. I should have chosen Crazy instead.
#19 – Adorn by Miguel
You either know this song and are thinking, “Hell yeah!” or you have no idea who Miguel is, which is unfortunate for you. Just listen and try to keep your clothes on.
Highlight: Voice so smooth you can *googles things that are smooth* mistake it for an egg. Wait, what?
#18 – Criminal by Fiona Apple
I honestly can’t tell if this song is sexy or if it’s just my teenage years telling me it is. I tried to listen without watching the music video to help me decide, but it’s really hard to not watch the music video. Anyway, 13-year-old me says I have to add it.
Highlight: It’s like a porno but with good writing.
#17 – Paris (Ooh La La) by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
This is probably your best chance of rocking out on this list. Grace is just such a cool chick and her style, voice, and the song’s groove are all so naturally sexy that I couldn’t leave it off the list. The only reason I didn't put it higher is because nobody else has ever heard of them.
Highlight: The little squeaky voice thing she does sometimes.
#16 – Red Light Special by TLC
Remember that line between sexy and romantic these songs are riding? TLC might have gone a bit far with this one. Still, this song can’t be put in any other category than Sexy R&B Songs from the 90s and I’m cool with it.
Highlight: The first 3 seconds alone lets you know someone is planning on getting laid.
#15 – Kiss by Prince
He had to be on the list.
Highlight: Prince
#14 – Fever by Peggy Lee
If claps make #24 romantic then snaps make Fever down-right sensual. Add in what is probably the sexiest upright bass playing of all time and you end up with a top 15 sexy song still after 63 years.
Highlight: The line “What a lovely way to burn.”
#13 – Wicked Games by The Weeknd
Some songs have great, sexy lyrics and some it’s best to let the rhythm and melody define its sex appeal. You wouldn’t think a song about getting your fix from a stripper while your girlfriend is at home would be a good addition to the list, but The Weeknd has a way of putting together a melodic beat that just feels dirty in a good way.
Highlight: The dark guitar riffs are it, dude.
#12 – Rock the Boat by Aaliyah
I almost left Aaliyah off this list because every time I hear her obviously-sexual songs, I can’t help but think of the fact that she married a 27-year-old R. Kelly when she was only 15. But I like the song and I’m not letting any pedophile tell me otherwise.
Highlight: She was at least 21 when this song came out.
#11 – Need You Tonight by INXS
Another song that is always near the top of every “sexiest songs” list and, you know what? I can’t argue. The cheese comes in the form of 80s synth and the guitar riff is top-notch memorable.
Highlight: “There’s something about you girl that makes me sweat” has no right being sexy lyrics, and yet…
#10 – Never Never Gonna Give You Up by Barry White
I couldn’t put this list together without putting the man in the top ten somewhere. And, sure, maybe he deserves to be higher up, but my metric for this list is, “Yeah, sure. That seems good,” so this is where he landed.
Highlight: I had 3 babies while listening to this song right now.
#9 – Nice and Slow by Usher
To call Usher the Barry White of the Millennial generation would be wrong, so I won’t do it. But I will put him above Barry on this list. Why? Because I grew up in the 90s and my opinion is Jaded.
Highlight: The muted guitar pluck thing and Usher rapping the spelling of his own name.
#8 – Closer by Nine Inch Nails
Up until this point I haven’t really been talking about lyrics and this is probably not the best place to start. He begins by saying, “You let me violate you” and the most memorable lyrics are “I want to f*ck you like an animal.” Still, this song comes off very sexy and I think it just goes to show how terrible we all are as human beings. Good job, ya perverts.
Highlight: We all know what the highlight of this song is.
#7 – I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know by Donny Hathaway
There are so many versions of this song out there (special shout-out to Marc Broussard’s version), but you can’t beat the OG. There’s something about the way Donny sings this song that makes you believe every lyric. There is nothing cheesy about this song. No cheese at all. Sans cheese. And yet it cuts a clear line between it and every song that’s been on this list so far. Maybe I need to rethink my criteria here.
Highlight: The bass walkdown but, in reality, everything.
#6 – Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye
And just like that the cheese is back! Marvin is the only artist to make the list twice (spoiler, but not really, come on). I couldn’t help it. The man is a sexy song master! And let’s be honest, we all know at least one person who was conceived to this song.
Highlight: The fact that he can sing an entire song about sexual healing and everyone likes it.
#5 – Untitled (How Does It Feel) by D’Angelo
I never listened to this song when it came out because the music video was a naked dude rotating around in circles for four-and-a-half minutes. But as an adult I’m comfortable enough in my sexuality to 1) enjoy the song enough to not care and 2) admire his Ken doll-like Adonis belt. What workout even produces that!?
Highlight: His raspy belting at the end. Hi. I’m gay now.
#4 – I’ll Make Love to You by Boyz II Men
This is the only song on the list I didn’t have to listen to first to decide whether it was going to make it. Sexy, romantic, and cheesy; it hits every chord in perfect harmony, just like the boyz.
Highlight: Singing along with the chorus turned up loud enough that you sound in harmony.
#3 – Wicked Game by Chris Isaak
The second song by this title on the list and definitely the sexier, lyrically. And that’s really the highlight here. While the video is possibly the sexiest of all time and the music can’t be described as anything but sensual, it’s the lyrics that really put it in the top 3. He hits it out of the park right off the bat with “The world was on fire and no one could save me but you. It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do.” I don’t know about you, but I’m turned on.
Highlight: Literally everything.
#2 – Everybody Here Wants You by Jeff Buckley
If you read the lyrics without ever hearing the song or the smooth and sexy voice of Jeff Buckley, you’d think to yourself, “That’s the sexiest song of all time.” But then you add in the music and the smooth and sexy voice of Jeff Buckley and it. Just. Intensifies. Wow.
Highlight: “I’m a stranger in this town; you’re free with me; and our eyes locked in downcast love.”
#1 – Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye
Are you seeing this, Billboard? This is not an option. This is not subjective. There is only one right answer to what the sexist song of all time is. Everything else on this list is negotiable, but not this. Ok, anyway, the song; you know it, you love it, you’ve danced sexy to it at some point, whether seriously or as a joke. And it IS the sexiest song of all time.
Highlight: When he says, “Let’s get it on.”